Just Being Me

Yesterday's sermon by Pastor Mark titled What Does the Holy Spirit Do for Us?
spoke to me on so many levels. One of the most important things I took from it was his phrase, "we are human beings, not human doings."

I realized that I have that sentiment about myself; that I am not of value unless I have done something to show my worth. My job, for instance, is my pride. I work hard and hope that someone notices. But to place my value as a human being into the hands of other people is dangerous.

I recently interviewed for a new job that would be a career advancement, not only in pay, but in responsibility. Afterward, I had so many fears of inadequacy that I wondered why I was so upset by it. The real reason was that if they didn't consider me for the job, I would see it as a cut on me being judged as incapable to do the work.

If what I've written before is my truth...then for me to think this about myself is ridiculously self-centered and prideful. (Pride should be spelled prIde, because the "I" is put as most important.) If I take them picking someone else over me as a judgment of my capability, I am not: 1) trusting God to have control over my life 2) trusting that the people He placed in authority over me are really under His control, too 3) think more highly of myself than I ought.

So, I even if they do pick someone else, I must trust their judgment and God's. It doesn't mean that I am worthless. It doesn't mean that I do not have value as an employee. It doesn't mean I am less valuable as a human being. My job is a minute part of my life. God sees me as his child. He wants and KNOWS what's best for me. So many times I wondered why I didn't get something I really wanted in life. Through the years, I've seen that it wasn't my time, or the right place for me. I know this is true. I just seem to need reminded of it a lot lately.

I thank God for the job I have. I still try to do my best, to be conscientious and caring. I thank Him that I am healthy enough to go each day and that He gives me clarity of mind to make good decisions. But, my value is not in my job.

Thank you, Jesus, for showing me that you love me beyond human measure, mine or anyone else's. Thank you for showing me it's OK to just be me.