Things We Remember

What are the things we will remember is 10, 15, 20 years from now? What will leave such lasting impressions on our souls that we will remember it through the haze and confusion of our senility? As I sit and visit with my mom's cousin, who is 82 yrs. old, there are things that she can't seem to forget or let go of. Hurts seem to leave the most lasting impression. When I hear her repeat the same things over and over, I worry that maybe I will be like that someday. What will I remember? Disappointments, hurts, or regrets -- it is so easy to harbor these feelings, nursing them over the years. Will they be all that I remember when I'm older?

I have to admit I am critical and negative by nature. I think that's why I started this blog; to make myself stop and think. Instead of wasting time going through life letting my impulses lead me wherever they will. I want to examine my thoughts and motives then redirect my life towards more positive results.

In the Bible it states:

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoeverthings are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoeverthings are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

I think there is so much in this scripture that can help us in so many ways. It can change our habit of spreading gossip or thinking ill of others. We can focus on things that are good in the world instead of everything negative. This isn't to say that we never deal with real issues in life, but to dwell on the negative all the time only leads to depression and despair. We need balance. For some of us it is harder to think even one positive thought a day. I believe it is only by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit that I am able to come across anything positive. Guess that's why I'm so compelled to share it!

I remember a parable of two wolves I once read that seems to befit this theme. It is an old Cherokee Indian parable. An old Cherokee was teaching his young grandson one of life’s most important lessons. He told the young boy the following parable:

“There is a fight going on inside each of us. It is a terrible fight between two wolves,” he said.

“One wolf is evil. He is anger, rage, envy, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, resentment, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."

"The second wolf is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, truth, compassion, and faith.”

The grandson thought about this for a moment. Then he asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win this fight?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

If I have any hurts, if I have any disappointments, if I harbor any ill feelings against anyone else, I pray that I will have the courage to go to God and ask that He will help me with all of these. I pray that I will make peace with whoever or whatever and learn to forgive and let go. I pray that I will never harbor resentment, anger or hurt of any kind. I pray that as I get older if I remember one thing let it be how much God loves me and forgives me. And also let me remember the good things that happened in my life. I want to dwell on them now and burn them into my memory bank so I'll never forget them.

My goal this week is to be thankful for every good thing in my life and not let it go by without recognizing them. This week I will chose to feed the good memories.

Learning to Listen

Today I went to visit a relative who now lives at the "memory" unit at a local retirement home. Although she at times has problems remembering who I am, she seemed to know and remember that it has been quite a while since I'd been there last. I had hoped her memory would skip that detail. All the same, she was delighted to see me. She's my mom's cousin, a widow without any children. It has long been on my heart that I need to start seeing her. In the Bible it says:

James 1:27 Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.

I did go see her earlier this year. Even though my intentions were good, I just didn't hold to a return visit. (I've once heard that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.) I guess I had some moments during the previous visits that made me uncomfortable, like when she thought I was my mother and I was married to my father. Awkward. She can be so coherent and then she'll say something that makes you realize she just slipped.

I managed to "forget" to see her over that past few months. There's only one problem. Every time I spent time in prayer with God, and checked in with Him as to what He wanted me to do....well, I saw her face. I once heard a wise old preacher say, "The next thing God wants you to do is the last thing He told you to do." Ouch.

I've spent several months wondering why I haven't had as close of a relationship with God, but now I see that it wasn't God that stopped communicating. I had selective hearing, kind of like my dog when we're out in the woods. She can hear me fine when it pertains to doggie treats or something she wants, but totally deaf if she doesn't like the request.

I was apprehensive about today's visit, but left feeling so rewarded and touched by her stories. Whether or not they are exactly true didn't matter. I wouldn't know the difference any way. The only thing that mattered was that for an hour, she was able to relive a happy time in her life and I was enriched because of it. Today I learned to listen.

Butterfly

Saw this butterfly on my walk to the pond yesterday. I was so excited about getting a picture that I didn't realize till the third or fourth picture that it was missing a chunk out of its left wing. Didn't seem to bother it, though. When I got closer, it flew away without any trouble. Makes ya think how something that looks so damaged can still function as if it were perfectly whole.

Bouquet of Broccoli

My husband, Mike, was so proud of this broccoli, that he wanted me to take his picture with it. Isn't it pretty? (The broccoli, not Mike!) Looks like a bouquet; a broccoli bouquet! It's been a great year for cool weather veggies. So, no wonder the broccoli and cauliflower are doing so well. He's thinking there's another head up in the garden that's going to be even bigger! And, boy, did it taste good, too! I hope the tomatoes do as well! Yum!

Blackbird

I don't know what it is with me and music, but I've notice for years that there are times when a song pops into my head and I cannot figure out why. It isn't that I've just heard it on the radio. It isn't that it was one of my favorite songs. But sometimes, they speak to my very soul with such perfect timing that I can only think that it is partly something beyond natural comprehension.

I've had one such song come to my consciousness at times of desperation; Blackbird by the Beatles. I know that supposedly it was written in reference to the racial problems in the 60's, but it brings me comfort and inspiration in a dissimilar way.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,oh
You were only waiting for this moment to arise, oh
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

I've found myself using this as almost a prayer. For me, it represents hope in the midst of darkness. My broken soul needs help to learn to fly and to see when there is no light to guide me. I am the blackbird, a desperate, ugly thing, not an eagle. But I look toward heaven and pray that He will breathe life into this weary soul, lifting me above the circumstances, my heaviness of heart, making my broken wings able to soar. By His power, at that moment, I am set free.

Empty-nesting, again

In a week, my daughter will be moving into her first apartment.   Although she has been in college for two years now, she has always lived in a dorm; a requirement of all freshmen and sophomores.   I don't know why, but I get this feeling that this is really it.   I have no recourse but to let her grow up now.   Furniture will be hauled, rental agreements signed, utilities put in her and her roommates' names.   And even though my husband says, "She'll be back," I'm not so sure.    This is it; the severing of the apron strings.

The garage is filled with furnishings we've collected from friends and family.   We have enough stuff by now to fill an entire house, not just an apartment.  It's been fun to help gather up items and know it will help her get settled in quite nicely right off the  bat.  The business of it all has kept my mind from dwelling on the fact of the matter; she's moving out!

I know there is nothing I can do to stop the process, nor would I want to.   I just wish it wouldn't make me feel like a part of my life is leaving with her.   

So, next week I will be brave, load up the truck and help move all her stuff.   The week after that, I will get a life!